Pretty Lynne Writes

The world will wear you down. 

It will teach you that you’re not smart enough, not pretty enough, not the right skin colour, not the right gender or sexuality, not good enough at your job. It will teach you that you should do your laundry differently, grow grass in your front yard, wear the right kind of sweatshirt/t-shirt/dress/jeans. It will teach you to ignore your thoughts or pay attention to your thoughts or change your thoughts. It will teach you that you can be better. 

What if none of that is true? 

Inside you is a red rubber ball. You probably didn’t realize it was there. Let’s imagine that the ball is about the size of the ones you see people throwing for their dogs at the park, or using in a lacrosse game (ask a Canadian). 

This red rubber ball is your worth. It’s there all of the time. It has been there since you were born. It never changes. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re smart or sweet or bad at math or rude sometimes when you’re tired or have a tendency to make bad choices for attention. Your red rubber ball is the same as mine, the same as your sibling’s, the same as your neighbour’s, or your kid’s, or the guy who panhandles up the street at the liquor store. It doesn’t matter if you never get chosen or always get picked first. It doesn’t matter if you have a lot of friends or just one. 

Now, you may think to yourself, but I’ve been treated like shit for part of my life! Surely my red rubber ball has teeth marks in it as though someone’s dog caught it midair. 

But no. No one, no matter how poorly they speak to you or treat you, can damage the red rubber ball inside you.

Sometimes we forget it’s in there, and doubt how worthy we are of love and affection. Of admiration and care. I think there’s a kind of mushy cover on the ball that takes dings as we go through life. But that mushy cover isn’t part of the red rubber ball. That’s an illusion. 

Look past the mushy cover – maybe it’s got a little dip in it from your Gr 3 teacher who told you that if you couldn’t sit still you’d never get a good job. Maybe it’s got a ding in it from the man who paid attention to you for a bit but then just stopped answering your messages. Maybe it’s got a gash from the way you berated yourself for believing in someone who disappointed you. 

But those dings aren’t touching your rubber ball. You might need help to smooth them out, but don’t let them fool you. Your worth hasn’t changed. 

Your worth doesn’t increase if you get an education, or learn to breed orchids, or help an old lady across the street. These things are good for other reasons, but your red rubber ball stays the same. 

Your job, as I understand it, is to take care of yourself as though your red rubber ball is your number one asset. 

When you believe in your worth, choices become very clear. You don’t settle for relationships that don’t serve you. You treat others with more patience. You don’t agree to things you will resent doing. You see the ads for face cream and diets know what they are really about. You look after yourself in a whole new way. 

You put your hand over your heart sometimes just to remind yourself to be kind to yourself. 

Because you’re worth it. We all are.