Pretty Lynne Writes

Caution: This is a Vulnerable Post

If you’ve read enough of my blog you’ll figure out that I am single after a long relationship. Twenty-eight years long, as a matter of fact. We lived together for most of my adult life. 

Living on my own has been a wonderful experience in some ways. I am free to do what I want, when I want to. I have made my home feel comfortable and warm, a perfect place for me. I have branched into new hobbies and met some new people. My job is very social. I spend time with friends and am finding my way in a new city. 

And yet, some days, the loneliness is excruciating. 

I can go a whole weekend without speaking to another person. My dog is lovely company – when he’s not waking me up at the crack of dawn – but he doesn’t talk back. My house can feel quiet. My thoughts can get loud. 

I discovered something that helps, in these circumstances. It’s going to Walmart. 

Now, I know. Walmart is a big bad box store that sells fast fashion and junk food and cheap goods. I know. But I go there for a reason. 

There are people there. I can go any time of day or evening (ours closes at 10 pm) and be around people. Even if I don’t talk to anyone, it helps to be around people. And there’s always something to buy there. Even if you’re just picking up a container of milk, you can wander the aisles and listen to people talk. 

You don’t have to go to Walmart, of course. You could choose a local coffee shop. You could find a park where a lot of people walk their dogs. It could be a rec centre where there is a gym or a pool. Any third space will do. 

It may be my age speaking here, but although I have many friends and acquaintances on social media, sometimes I find being on social media can make the loneliness worse. People are often talking about sex and romance and when you’re deep in feeling lonely and unloveable, reading about other people being in love is hard. 

It’s also the act of moving that helps to get me out of my head. Getting up, finding my keys and my shopping bags, making a list of groceries or things I need, getting my shoes on – all of these things feel like forward motion when your brain feels stuck. 

We don’t often talk about our own loneliness. It can feel shameful to admit that you feel lonely, as though there’s something you’ve done wrong, or that you’re admitting no one wants to spend time with you. We speak of the “loneliness epidemic” as though it is happening to other people. And it’s not just single people who feel lonely. Having been in a long term relationship, I can say that on occasion, I felt lonely there, too. 

At times, going to Walmart to pick up paper towel or eggs is all I need to feel okay again. At others, it’s the only thing I do. And I’m okay with that. Some days are just like this, right now. They won’t always be, or maybe I’ll just learn to handle them better. 

But in the meantime, I can go out and smile at the greeter in the blue vest, and motion for the man in front of me to go ahead, or hold the freezer door open for the lady with her arms full of baby. I can smile at the kid sitting in the cart, waiting for her parents to pick a flavour of juice.

It’s a little human contact. We all need that.