Let’s Write about Sex, Baby

When I was interviewed on a podcast a few months ago, the podcaster asked me “why do you write erotica? You could write about anything.” 

He had been complimenting me on my writing. Erotica and erotic audio were new to him and he was surprised at the quality of work he had encountered (I think this is a common misconception. But in my experience, there are some incredible writers in this realm).

I think about this a lot. Why do I write about sex? Why do so many writers I call friends write about sex?

I think the answer is that we don’t. We write about desire, longing, limerence, power, vulnerability, confidence, shame, fun, risk, inhibition, novelty, fear, pain, hope, freedom and love. 

So, basically, the human condition. 

There is always sex in my stories, but the stories aren’t always about sex. I replied to the podcaster that I view sex as a lens in my stories. The characters have a sexual experience with each other for a reason other than to get off. Sometimes it’s to lessen their pain. Other times, it is to reconnect with each other. Sometimes it’s a discovery about themselves. Other times, it’s about giving someone pleasure. 

I don’t spend a lot of time giving you the backstory of the characters because that’s not the point, for me. I hint at things and let you fill them in for yourself. For example, there might be a dog, but I often don’t say what kind of dog. You have a sort of Platonic idea of a dog in your head, so when I write “dog,” you think of a dog you have known or loved in your life. Similarly, I don’t use a lot of poetic language to describe what an orgasm feels like, for example. I don’t know what yours feel like, so I leave that for you to fill in for yourself. 

What I’m more interested in is change. In every circumstance, the characters experience a change after the encounter. They have learned something about themselves or their partner. They’ve had an emotional experience. They’ve started a new relationship or ended an old one. 

To me, sex is the perfect lens for transformation because it’s a universal need for humans. Even if you’re not into what I’m into, you need to feel connection and vulnerability and power and desire. We all do. And we all change and grow and heal in relationships with other people. I’m interested in how sex plays a role in that process.

The podcaster is right. I could write about anything (and I have, and do, actually!). But honestly, writing about sex is also just fun. You get to live out fantasies, try out new ones, play around with scenarios, and turn yourself on while writing.

What could be more fun than that?

2 responses to “Let’s Write about Sex, Baby”

  1. AuralFixatedZed Avatar
    AuralFixatedZed

    I have always admired your ability to show just enough to give the reader a feeling of depth, while not implanting a vibrant image, allowing us to fill in the details the way we see them.

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  2. Once again you’ve managed to say so much in so few words. It’s a question I’ve been trying to articulate my own written answer to. Right now, all I’ve got is a bunch of disconnected notes. Your insight has given me much to ponder, though. 

    Looking back over your stories, I see clearly now that common theme of change in all of them. You’ve also got me reflecting on that theme in my own work, certainly going forward. Thank you.

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