Pretty Lynne Writes

Remember Tumblr? It was the first social media for many of us. I got to see the pretty pictures and the poetry, but luckily skipped the drama. 

I couldn’t tell you who wrote it or what the rest of the poem said, but this line from a Tumblr post stays with me even all these years later: “be the bigness you are.”

Feral Libra posts beautiful poems and narratives on Bluesky. Recently, they posted this “micro poem”*:

I never learned
how to breathe
until I stopped
choking
on memories
that tried
to make me small.

*shared with permission

This is a list of some of the thousand things that made me and other women small:

• “You’re too loud/too political/too feminist/too aggressive/too emotional/too much”
• “You never think logically, you just react with emotions”
• “Why are you crying? You don’t need to cry.”
• Pinching your butt: “Storing up some nuts for the winter?”
• Strangers touching your body
• Being whistled at when you’re 11 or 12
• “You need too much”
• “Just calm down”
• “If you eat that, you’d better make sure to exercise later.”
• “You don’t need to know that, because someday there will be a husband who knows”
• “It’s fine, just let it happen.”
• Being spoken over in meetings
• “Why are you talking so much?”
• Being made to hug people 
• Being told you do something “like a girl”
• Having someone who seemed to like you disappear
• “Oh, you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” and then changing their attitude towards you
• “Why have you gained weight?”
• “Do you have your period or something? Why are you so angry?”
• “Aren’t you over that yet?”
• “What were you wearing?”
• “You can’t wear that. It’s too small/revealing/sexy.”
• “Good girls don’t behave this way.”
• “You want too much. Why can’t you be happy with what you have?”
• “You’ll never be complete until you have a child.”
• “Your children need to come before your dreams.”
• “Your father would be so upset to hear that you feel that way.”
• “It’s more fun to watch your brother play sports/do music/make art than you.”
• “If you sleep with too many people your value will decrease.”
• “Women don’t like sex; if they do it’s weird.”
• “You get worked up over the silliest things.”
• “You like that? Ugh, why?”
• “Don’t say that, you’ll upset everyone.”
• “Who will want you now?”
• “Be careful where you go, it’s not safe for pretty girls like you.”
• “You’d be prettier if you smiled.”
• “That pain is likely in your head”
• “Have you thought about losing weight?”
• “You should have shaved your legs/armpits/pubes.”
• ”I was nice to you/paid attention to you/bought you dinner, so you should have sex with me.”
• “Who would want you anyway? You’re so ugly.”

Every day, we get so many messages telling us to stay small. To literally make ourselves physically smaller. To keep ourselves small and pleasing.

Fuck that. Just fuck that.

Be the bigness you are. Take up the space you deserve to take. There is room here for you in all of your fullness, brightness, beauty and anger. Your world will expand to accommodate you, because the people who don’t want you to be your bigness will fall away.  

Can you leave behind some memories that are choking your bold and beautiful self?